He said what?

Not too long ago I posted a comment about my Uncle Cal being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The family is pulling together to support and care for Cal (and his wife Chris). He's currently in stage one of Alzheimer's - as I understand this disease affects everyone differently, but the eventual result is death.

Shortly after visiting my uncle, and posting my comments on his Alzheimer's, I read an article by Pat Robertson (a popular televangelist) who said it would be ok to divorce your spouse on the grounds of Alzheimer’s. "I know it sounds cruel,” he continued, “but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her.” You can read his comments further at this link: [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/17/us/pat-robertson-remarks-on-alzheimers-stir-passions.html]

As pastor, religious leader, and Christian I have to say I disagree vehemently with his comments. All too often I see marriages disintegrating when they should be strengthening. For some (or many if you look at the divorce rate statistics) the vows we take, to be together for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, become meaningless or a best trivial. While some may argue that Alzheimer’s is a kind of death - it is not death while the spouse is living. If one cannot rely on the spouse to be faithful and stick by when in thick or thin, then what value do the vows really have? I believe our tradition and scripture maintains that we are to remain faithful to our spouse through good times and bad.

What gets me is instead of working to strengthen marriages, especially when they are troubled, all to often the couple turns the other way and seeks an easy way out. A husband and wife have a troubled marriage and instead of seeking ways to strengthen their bond the husband goes out on a regular basis for bowling and video games with the guys. A young couple I married some time ago lasted less than a year in their marriage - this after completing about six months of premarital counseling. And not once did they come to me after their marriage to say they were having troubles. What can we do? Can you help us? There are a multitude of marriage strengthening workshops, retreats, and even biblical studies to help couples draw closer together.

There are resources the pastor can provide or direct couples to to help most situations. Now, there are times when divorce is perhaps the best answer - especially when abuse is taking place (physical, emotional, even sexual). But Alzheimer's does not fit this category for me.

I have the utmost respect for our own congregation members who have gone through (or are going through) having a spouse with Alzheimer’s. It's not easy. Admittedly, I don't know the half of it. But I commend those of you when you stay by your spouse even in (and especially in) the bad times.



Blessings to you my friends.

Patrick

Sometimes we cry out, but we just don't feel like we are being heard

Thursday afternoon I was home playing with Gracie before I had to go back to church for evening meetings. We were playing outside on a little slide one of our church members had given to us. Earlier I had taken the slide part off the plastic unit and had not yet put it back together. Gracie took the slide, leaned it up against the plastic stairs of the unit, and was playing until it fell while she was on it. I started to put it back together (the way it was supposed to be!) and she began to cry. I asked her what was wrong but with her crying and talking at the same time I could not understand her.

I asked her to stop crying and use her words. I told her I couldn't hear her - meaning I could not hear her over the sounds of her crying. She looked at me and said, 'I'm crying loudly so you can hear me.' Of course I could hear the crying! I wanted to her to use her words to explain what she was unhappy about.

I thought about this later that evening. I think sometimes we all have a tendency to cry louder hoping someone will hear us, notice us, understand what the problem is and fix it. We fail to understand that we have to use our words. We have to say what it is that is bothering us in a way that others will understand. We want someone to know what is causing our pain. But if we don't speak clearly, in a way that someone can understand, and we only 'cry' louder, we aren't really communicating effectively.

Sometimes it is hard to use our words. We fear what someone might say back to us or how they will react. And so we don't say anything of real substance. We just, 'cry' louder hoping someone will fix the problem.

It is fascinating watching Gracie as she grows and realizing the lessons she is teaching me about life in general. There are times when I need to use my words and speak more clearly and cry less loudly. I pray that God will help me to do so.

The Act of Giving

On almost any given day you would find some kind of trinket: a bauble, a stone, a feather, a glass bead... in my pocket, on my desk at home or the church office, in my bedroom, or in my car. These are items of little monetary value, but of great sentimental value. They are something my four year old daughter, Gracie has given to me. So often she will come up and hand me something to keep. It is something to 'make me happy' or to 'think of her' she tells me. I revel in the seriousness and excitement she has each time she gives me a 'treasure'.

About a six-eight weeks ago I went on our mission trip to South Dakota. On the day I left, Gracie came to me and gave me a miniature pillow (from her doll house) and a polished stone. These were to remember her. I carried them in my pocket each day and often took them out to hold in my hand.

Two weeks ago I was at the church office on Monday afternoon. It was quiet; everyone else had gone home. I heard a noise out in the hallway and went to see. Two young girls were walking in - chattering and giggling a bit to themselves. I greeted them, introduced myself and asked how I could help. The older girl - 9-years old - said they had just had a lemonade sale today. The younger girl - about 8 years old - said they had sold $12.00 worth of lemonade. They held out an envelope and with big smiles said, 'We want to give $6.00 to the church.' Neither of the girls are church members. Both were so excited to give half of their earnings to the church! I thanked them and told them how wonderful this was. They left as they had come - chattering and giggling. What a wonderful and unexpected gift! The $6.00 went to our missionary fund for Paul Webster in Zambia. Just that Sunday in fact, we were having our monthly noisy can collection for Paul.

Gracie's and the two girls generous giving often reminds me of how we are called to give to God. We are to give with a glad heart - with the heart of child. We are to come to him with joy and laughter and generosity - giving to him, that which is his already. Wouldn't it be wonderful if each one of us gave so gladly and selflessly that we had no other motive or intent other than sharing our joy with God? When we come to the altar in worship of God, let's give of ourselves so completely and with great love. Let us give of our offerings, our tithes, our spiritual gifts, our time and talents. Let us give with a smile on our face. In doing so, we bring a smile to God's face.