He said what?

Not too long ago I posted a comment about my Uncle Cal being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. The family is pulling together to support and care for Cal (and his wife Chris). He's currently in stage one of Alzheimer's - as I understand this disease affects everyone differently, but the eventual result is death.

Shortly after visiting my uncle, and posting my comments on his Alzheimer's, I read an article by Pat Robertson (a popular televangelist) who said it would be ok to divorce your spouse on the grounds of Alzheimer’s. "I know it sounds cruel,” he continued, “but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but to make sure she has custodial care, somebody looking after her.” You can read his comments further at this link: [http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/17/us/pat-robertson-remarks-on-alzheimers-stir-passions.html]

As pastor, religious leader, and Christian I have to say I disagree vehemently with his comments. All too often I see marriages disintegrating when they should be strengthening. For some (or many if you look at the divorce rate statistics) the vows we take, to be together for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, become meaningless or a best trivial. While some may argue that Alzheimer’s is a kind of death - it is not death while the spouse is living. If one cannot rely on the spouse to be faithful and stick by when in thick or thin, then what value do the vows really have? I believe our tradition and scripture maintains that we are to remain faithful to our spouse through good times and bad.

What gets me is instead of working to strengthen marriages, especially when they are troubled, all to often the couple turns the other way and seeks an easy way out. A husband and wife have a troubled marriage and instead of seeking ways to strengthen their bond the husband goes out on a regular basis for bowling and video games with the guys. A young couple I married some time ago lasted less than a year in their marriage - this after completing about six months of premarital counseling. And not once did they come to me after their marriage to say they were having troubles. What can we do? Can you help us? There are a multitude of marriage strengthening workshops, retreats, and even biblical studies to help couples draw closer together.

There are resources the pastor can provide or direct couples to to help most situations. Now, there are times when divorce is perhaps the best answer - especially when abuse is taking place (physical, emotional, even sexual). But Alzheimer's does not fit this category for me.

I have the utmost respect for our own congregation members who have gone through (or are going through) having a spouse with Alzheimer’s. It's not easy. Admittedly, I don't know the half of it. But I commend those of you when you stay by your spouse even in (and especially in) the bad times.



Blessings to you my friends.

Patrick